Too Cool for School

Gavin sporting Daddy's $10 sunglasses (cheap kiosk in the mall). Gavin can say "turtle" and "airplane" now. Here he is eating a cream cheese bagel, yummmmm!












Daddy is essentially back in school now (though I just finally finished my undergraduate degree at UW). So after work, I have class nearly every evening. And when I come home from class, I cannot rest, I must read. Schedule for this quarter:

• Mondays and Tuesdays - Work, Class1, read 20 pages of GMAT book


• Wednesdays - Work, no class!, read 20 pages


• Thursdays - Class1, Work, Class2, read 20 pages


• Fridays - Work, Class3, read 20 pages

I have set the goal of 20 pages per night because the GMAT book has 800 pages, I am on page 182, and there are only 7 weeks until the test. Maybe it would be easier if I wasn't taking these 3 other classes (I calculated them to be the equivalent of 11 credits, or semester hours, excluding the GMAT studying). So with GMATs it's like a full load of credits, plus my day job (writing for 3 teams simultaneously). Whatever I didn't read during the week, I must read over the weekend.

But I strongly feel that apart from Gavin, studying is the best way to redeem my time. I wish I could see him everyday like before, but most likely I will see him roughly half the time (weekends and a weekday maybe), because that is what the world has deemed to be fair and equitable. And when it comes to Gavin, I'll take whatever I can get now.




Gavin's artwork captured with camera phone before home was sold.

I call this "Monochrome Crayola on Latex Partition - 2008".

Go ahead and click on the picture, I know you want to enlarge it.

Tattoo of Gavin's Name

I got Gavin's chinese name tattooed on my heart/chest. It is not the standard Classic, Pictorial, or Cursive style of chinese character (like an English font or typeface), but Traditional style.

These were taken with my cheap camera phone. Getting a tattoo felt like being branded (like an animal). Or a girl with long fingernails is scratching your skin for 35 minutes non-stop (not comfortable).

The tattoo needle works like a sewing machine needle, puncturing the surface of the skin/fabric at a really fast rate, but releasing a drop of ink with each hole instead of weaving a thread.

First Single Father's Day

This was the first Father's Day without Mommy. It was a really special occasion for me because it was also the first time that I got to be with Gavin outside of his Kindercare. I was really excited to have him, but at the same time, it was really tough because I have never experienced something like this before (taking care of him without Mommy), and never imagined that things would be this way.

In the morning, we spent about 20 minutes playing at the park near Greenlake, since it was such a beautiful sunny day. Then we spent about an hour at the church nursery before Gavin started rubbing his eyes (ready for a nap). We went home and I setup his sleeping area to be soft and comfy, then I put him down for his nap. After he fell asleep, I was thinking of what to make him for lunch, preparing him some noodles, eggs, and soup, then a special serving of chocolate cream pie!

And then it dawned on me, and a sense of fear settled in: I am all alone in this 4-bedroom house with my baby son, and nobody is on their way home, coming back to help me. I didn't know what to do, or how I should be processing these feelings. So I thought to myself, "With the time, knowledge, and resources given to me, what is the best way to redeem the time for Gavin?"

It sooooo reminded me of when I lived at that house with my Grandpa years earlier. He made me sandwiches in the morning so I had food to eat on the way to UW. Else I would not concentrate well on my studies. It was awkward that my Grandpa made me sandwiches, and tried to take care of me without Grandma. I felt like I should be taking care of my Grandpa, yet he wanted to take care of me. And there was this presumption that he wasn't qualified to care for me without Grandma, but it didn't stop him.

After Gavin's nap from around 12 to 2:30PM, I gave him about 3 ounces of warm whole milk while I changed his diaper and prayed with him. Then I fed him a scrambled egg, and then some chocolate cream pie (he did not like the Cream of Mushroom soup, to my surprise). Then we played at home before heading to Meydenbauer Park in Bellevue.

Moving forward, this is how it must be: that our time spent together will be incomplete, but it is through these tough experiences that we learn to appreciate the simple things in life. Where we also learn that the world will betray us, deceive us, and leave us empty. But the Father's Love is sufficient and prevails.

That day was such an unusual experience, so joyful to be with Gavin, but so hurt that the context of our relationship is so foreign. So hurt that we must be apart. But I'm still confident that without this experience, I would not have the motivation to grow, learn, and change myself to become a better role model for him.