Wednesday, April 9, 2008
It's All Over
My crush has crushed me for good. Thanks for all your support, and please keep Gavin in your prayers.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
First Sight After 3 Weeks
Just had to post this before I forgot how meaningful this memory was...
After Grace abandoned me on March 7, 2008 and took my precious Gavin away, I didn't get a chance to lay my eyes on him until 3 weeks later when I visited him at his daycare on March 31, 2008.
On that morning Grace informed me that at his daycare, his class has "recess" (outdoor play) starting around 2:30PM. So I arrived around 2PM, just in case they got out earlier. However, I waited outside until 3:30PM, and still no sign of any kids outside. So I went to the office to inquire, and they told me that the infants/toddlers had just waken up from their nap, and were almost done eating their snacks.
So I went back to my car to study my GMAT book until I saw kids come outside. Finally, they came out. So I got out of my car and approached the fence (Grace neglected to add me to the visitor/guest list, so I was not permitted inside the grounds). I did not see Gavin anywhere, while there must have been 15 other kids playing outside.
Once I got to the fence, I saw a kid that looked a little bit like Gavin, but he was facing the other direction and I couldn't tell for sure if it was him, because I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks! (and his hair seemed lighter in color than what I remember, as I was only seeing the back of him)
So I whispered, "Pssst!" to get his attention, but he didn't hear me. So I said, "Gavin" and he turned around. It was the first time that we had laid eyes on each other for 3 weeks. At this time, he was about 7 or 8 feet away from the fence. He only turned his head (almost 180 degrees), but he didn't move his feet or position his body to face me (he was probably stunned and confused).
We stood there looking at each other in silence for about 30 seconds, not knowing what to do because of utter confusion (neither of us really understood what had occurred in the last 3 weeks). Neither of us knew how to react and respond, since the context of our relationship had been disrupted/became so foreign.
I really wanted to see him smile and laugh, so I jumped up and down and tapped my feet like a clown, which previously would have made him laugh without fail. But this time, he just stood there confused, no smile or reaction whatsoever.
Finally I said, "Come here" and he was so very impressively obedient, and approached the fence. He was about 2 feet away from the fence when I knelt down to take a closer look at him. But after I knelt down, he wouldn't make eye contact anymore, which weakened my emotions to the extent that I couldn't hold back the tears. For me, this confirmed that the breakup was as hard/painful/traumatic for him as it was for me. And the last thing that I wanted was for him to hang his head in shame, as if it was his fault (maybe it was his innocence that broke me).
I reached through the fence and pulled him closer to me, and I told him that I Love him more than anything. I told him that I miss him more than anyone or anything I've ever missed in my life. Then I stroked his head/hair and rubbed his tummy. As I did so, he took one of his tiny cute hands and grasped the fence. And I couldn't help myself but to kiss the four tiny little fingers that were exposed on my side of the fence.
After leaving the daycare, I completely lost it: I weeped on the entire 40-minute drive home. It reminded me somewhat of when I was a toddler, and got lost in a supermarket. Either I had wandered off from my Mom, or she lost track of me. Either way, she was nowhere in sight. Finally an extremely kind African American woman picked me up and comforted me (she must have seen the panic on my face). And I remember being very curious as to where my Mom was, and I never cried. Until I was finally reunited with my Mom, then I cried extremely hard (maybe it was only then, that I realized what I had been missing).
But now I see that it was a blessing in disguise, because Grace's selfish, greedy, and wicked actions only gave me the motivation to grow, learn, and overcome. And today, I am at the top of my game.
Here is how it went down (from my email to Grace after the visit):
FYI: I saw Gavin earlier today. I didn't want you to get mad later if you found out some other way. He didn't smile, he seemed really confused, I even tapped my feet like dancing, and held my arms up and bounced up and down, but he never smiled. I don't think he recognized me, I'm vaguely familiar, but he was very very shy towards me.
It hurt a little, actually a lot, but I'm still glad I went there. At least I got to touch him thru the fence, and kiss his hand that was grabbing the fence, and stroke his hair/head (I went to the gate part, where there was a bigger opening between the fence).
Let me know if this is wrong, and you don't want me to stop-by and see him. I am okay with it, I would never make it a weekly thing (especially with school and other classes now), but maybe bi-weekly or just monthly...
After Grace abandoned me on March 7, 2008 and took my precious Gavin away, I didn't get a chance to lay my eyes on him until 3 weeks later when I visited him at his daycare on March 31, 2008.
On that morning Grace informed me that at his daycare, his class has "recess" (outdoor play) starting around 2:30PM. So I arrived around 2PM, just in case they got out earlier. However, I waited outside until 3:30PM, and still no sign of any kids outside. So I went to the office to inquire, and they told me that the infants/toddlers had just waken up from their nap, and were almost done eating their snacks.
So I went back to my car to study my GMAT book until I saw kids come outside. Finally, they came out. So I got out of my car and approached the fence (Grace neglected to add me to the visitor/guest list, so I was not permitted inside the grounds). I did not see Gavin anywhere, while there must have been 15 other kids playing outside.
Once I got to the fence, I saw a kid that looked a little bit like Gavin, but he was facing the other direction and I couldn't tell for sure if it was him, because I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks! (and his hair seemed lighter in color than what I remember, as I was only seeing the back of him)
So I whispered, "Pssst!" to get his attention, but he didn't hear me. So I said, "Gavin" and he turned around. It was the first time that we had laid eyes on each other for 3 weeks. At this time, he was about 7 or 8 feet away from the fence. He only turned his head (almost 180 degrees), but he didn't move his feet or position his body to face me (he was probably stunned and confused).
We stood there looking at each other in silence for about 30 seconds, not knowing what to do because of utter confusion (neither of us really understood what had occurred in the last 3 weeks). Neither of us knew how to react and respond, since the context of our relationship had been disrupted/became so foreign.
I really wanted to see him smile and laugh, so I jumped up and down and tapped my feet like a clown, which previously would have made him laugh without fail. But this time, he just stood there confused, no smile or reaction whatsoever.
Finally I said, "Come here" and he was so very impressively obedient, and approached the fence. He was about 2 feet away from the fence when I knelt down to take a closer look at him. But after I knelt down, he wouldn't make eye contact anymore, which weakened my emotions to the extent that I couldn't hold back the tears. For me, this confirmed that the breakup was as hard/painful/traumatic for him as it was for me. And the last thing that I wanted was for him to hang his head in shame, as if it was his fault (maybe it was his innocence that broke me).
I reached through the fence and pulled him closer to me, and I told him that I Love him more than anything. I told him that I miss him more than anyone or anything I've ever missed in my life. Then I stroked his head/hair and rubbed his tummy. As I did so, he took one of his tiny cute hands and grasped the fence. And I couldn't help myself but to kiss the four tiny little fingers that were exposed on my side of the fence.
After leaving the daycare, I completely lost it: I weeped on the entire 40-minute drive home. It reminded me somewhat of when I was a toddler, and got lost in a supermarket. Either I had wandered off from my Mom, or she lost track of me. Either way, she was nowhere in sight. Finally an extremely kind African American woman picked me up and comforted me (she must have seen the panic on my face). And I remember being very curious as to where my Mom was, and I never cried. Until I was finally reunited with my Mom, then I cried extremely hard (maybe it was only then, that I realized what I had been missing).
But now I see that it was a blessing in disguise, because Grace's selfish, greedy, and wicked actions only gave me the motivation to grow, learn, and overcome. And today, I am at the top of my game.
Here is how it went down (from my email to Grace after the visit):
FYI: I saw Gavin earlier today. I didn't want you to get mad later if you found out some other way. He didn't smile, he seemed really confused, I even tapped my feet like dancing, and held my arms up and bounced up and down, but he never smiled. I don't think he recognized me, I'm vaguely familiar, but he was very very shy towards me.
It hurt a little, actually a lot, but I'm still glad I went there. At least I got to touch him thru the fence, and kiss his hand that was grabbing the fence, and stroke his hair/head (I went to the gate part, where there was a bigger opening between the fence).
Let me know if this is wrong, and you don't want me to stop-by and see him. I am okay with it, I would never make it a weekly thing (especially with school and other classes now), but maybe bi-weekly or just monthly...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)